A Perfectly Normal Conversation

“Well, I mean…” Nelson shifted uncomfortably, “She’s got a penis now. What was I supposed to do?”

“You’ve got a penis too, you know.” Ceasar shrugged. “Do her anyway. A hole’s a hole’s a hole.”

Nelson frowned. “I liked drinking with you better when you still got embarrassed over this sort of stuff.”

“Well, you know, I figure the more I act like a perv, the less I’ll be forced to act like a perv.” Ceasar swivelled his barstool around. “You still like her, don’t you? So just get over the penis already. She’s still pretty hot, isn’t she? I’m pretty sure straight guys would go for her.”

Nelson sighed and rested his chin on his hand. “Why didn’t she just like cross-dress or something? Try to pass herself off as a girl? She’d be happier, and no one would know about… the gay thing. It’d be easier.”

“Oh whine.” Ceasar leaned over and stole Nelson’s beer. “Virus outed me in front of half the school, how do you think I felt?”

Nelson let his head slip down to the counter. “She wouldn’t take me back now anyway, I pissed her off too bad.”


Nelson sighed again and looked away in thought. “Really wish I knew how gay guys worked,” he said.

“She’s not a gay guy, she’s a straight chick who got stuck with a penis.” Ceasar paused for a moment, looked at his empty glass and chuckled. “Man, listen to us. Did you ever think you’d be having a conversation like this? What the hell.” He tipped the last few drops of beer down his throat. “My life was normal once, you know?”

“No kidding, right? Most guys get some chick knocked up, they get a lecture and child support bills, what do I get?”

“Nothing but grief,” Ceasar replied.

The two sat in silence. Nelson ordered another drink.

“So,” Ceasar said, “Want to go have sex?”


“Dunno.” Ceasar shrugged. “Just seemed like something the virus would do about now.”

Nelson laughed a little. “You don’t have to do that, you know.”

Ceasar smiled. “I guess not.”

They bought a round of drinks for the handful of students left in the bar. Ceasar led Nelson back to his room.

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